Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
