i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
