I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
