Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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