Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
