The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
