We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
