apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am one with the molecules
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
