I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
