as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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