a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
