Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
