If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
