im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
