And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
