Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
