you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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