If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
