I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bring money and cleavage
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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