I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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