Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
