I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How external is "for external use only"?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
