how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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