I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
