3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
