apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
