Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
