just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
