My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
