you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
