For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
