You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
