I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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