hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
