What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
