i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
