Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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