I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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