I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
