If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
