Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
