I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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