My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
