I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
