So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
