Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
