this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize