im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
