Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
