So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
