i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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